Thursday, May 21, 2015

7 Months Later

How's life 7 months (plus) postpartum? While I finally got the hang of some things, I am still learning how to be a mother and I am sure it's an ongoing process.

Last month, baby fell off from the bed under my care. I was alone with him and decided to leave him on the bed while I prepare for his bath in the bathroom. And then I heard a thud followed by a loud cry. I felt so bad I cried too okay. I cried while telling Zai what happened over the phone. Cried some more after that and just kept crying. Haha drama!

Then a few weeks later, it happened again (yes I know, again!), while all of us were sleeping. 1 a.m. and he was crying from the cot so I moved him to our bed not realising that I did not put him in between us. I put him next to me with no one else on his other side. This fall was harder but I didn't cry as much as the first time though. I was hysterically shouting and looking for him instead cause although I could hear his cries, I couldn't locate him. He fell into this small space in between the bed and the wardrobe. I felt so bad I don't wish to remember that episode but I don't think I can ever forget that either. :( So writing this here, especially for all to see is actually a big deal to me. Whatever it is, never ever underestimate your child's capabilities to roll, turn, crawl or climb. Note to self.

There were times I got frustrated with Maliq, I snapped at him and asked him to stop crying. Then I realised that when I snapped at him, I wasn't exactly mad at him but I was actually mad at the situation I was in. Alone, helpless, mother not home to help, husband sleeping away. Particularly mad at the 'husband sleeping away' part, I'm sure. Hahaa.

There were many other instances I felt like I failed as a mother, I rather look at my phone than entertain him, I rather do the laundry than attend to him. Yet my son still bounces happily when he sees me at the door after work.

That's his shorts over his head. :P

I know this phase won't last forever. He will grow up. Won't be around me as much anymore. Won't want to play with me anymore. And for that, I am going to treasure this phase as much as I can before it's gone.

7 months postpartum and I am still pumping. I hope to continue for as long as the situation allows me to. I gave up latching the first few weeks because it was just too painful. I know the pain will go away but apparently it didn't for me. Then I decided to exclusively pump for him. Initially I needed to supplement with formula but after a while my supply caught up and now he's just on breast milk.

There are pros and cons for both latching and exclusively pumping (and even formula feeding), but right now I feel most comfortable just pumping. It was super tiring during the first few months because I had to pump every 2 hours including middle of the night, but once my supply increased, I slowly cut back on the pumping frequency. So right now, I'm pumping every 6 hours (even at work). It was so much better than to do it every 2 hours round the clock! Lesser engorgements and swollen breasts too. No more fever due to mastitis as well. I used to get anxious whenever I was late for my pumping, afraid that if I didn't pump on time, I was going to suffer mastitis and blocked ducts again. It's not easy but it's a demand and supply curve you see. The more you pump, the more you'll produce, they say.

Lastly, 7 months postpartum and I'm glad I have Maliq. So much so that I find joy in shopping for him than for myself now. Not that I'm complaining because babies have nice things to shop for too it seems. :/

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